


You Belong With Me

by benjji2795



Series: Jonnor AUs [9]
Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Connor and Jude never dated, Connor has a girlfriend, Karaoke, M/M, adult au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-16 21:13:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4640421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benjji2795/pseuds/benjji2795
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jude and Connor have been friends for twelve years and Jude has secretly been in love with Connor the whole time.  But Connor has a girlfriend and Jude is too scared to make a move.  That is until one night, out at a club with Connor, a song on the karaoke machine catches Jude's eye.  He's had a few too many drinks so he throws all caution to the wind, and sings a song that could change everything for them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all should know this song but just in case, here's a link to the video of the song used in this fic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuNIsY6JdUw

After 12 years, Jude and Connor had literally been through everything together. Middle school, high school, college, graduating and getting jobs.  They’d been through Jude’s coming out and Connor’s many girlfriends and the heartbreaks that followed.  12 years had made the two of them very close; closer than you would expect best friends to be. Their relationship was one you might think was untouchable.  And yet…

 

Underneath the surface were things bubbling that only Jude knew existed.  Connor was his best friend yes, but Connor meant so much more to Jude than that.  Jude hadn’t been able to avoid the pitfall of falling in love with his (straight) best friend. He couldn’t help it when Connor’s face crinkled up when he smiled, or when his eyes lit up when he laughed, or when he was just so dorky despite being an athlete/jock type. And as such, the last year had been really hard on Jude.  That’s how long Connor had been dating his girlfriend, Lisa.  They were really in love, or at least that’s what it looked like to Jude. It was hard for Jude to be around Connor without wanting cry (or maybe punch a wall; it depended on the day). But at least, now that Connor had moved in with Lisa and out of the apartment that the two of them used to share, Jude didn’t have to see him so often.  Maybe time would help him get over his heartbreak.

 

It was a Friday night, and as Jude usually did, he was laying on the couch, the TV remote in his hand as he surfed Netflix looking for something to watch. Somebody knocked on the door of his apartment and Jude didn’t move, grunting something about the door being unlocked. Connor burst through the door, leaping over to the couch, settling down on top of Jude’s legs.

 

“Really Jude, again?” Connor chided, examining Jude’s setup.  “Another Netflix Friday night?  Come on you have to get out of this apartment! You’ll never meet a guy if you just stay here!”

 

Jude rolled his eyes; ever since they started high school Connor had constantly been pushing Jude to go on dates and find a boyfriend.  Not that Jude had any interest in those things.  Personally, Jude thought it was funny how Connor cared more about his love life than he did. But he couldn’t just tell Connor why he didn’t want to date; that would kind of ruin everything. So he always lied and told Connor he just wasn’t finding anyone interesting, or nice enough, or whatever excuse he felt like throwing out.

 

“Whatever,” Jude mumbled in reply, ignoring the shooting pains in his legs from Connor’s weight. It was a little pathetic actually; Jude made a point of cherishing and enjoying any physical contact he had with Connor, so even though he was in pain, he wasn’t telling Connor to get up.

 

“No it’s not _whatever_ ,” Connor said. “As your best friend I’m not going to let you spend all of your time here alone and miserable.”

 

“I am not miserable,” Jude protested weakly.

 

“So you keep telling me,” Connor chuckled.  “But anyway, we need to get you ready, we’re going clubbing tonight!”

 

“A night of alcohol, sweaty people, loud music and worst of all, girls I have no interest in hitting on me?  Sounds like a nightmare no thanks.  Besides, don’t you have a girlfriend to attend to?” Jude chortled.  Connor gave him a crooked grin, mischief playing in his eyes.

 

“Oh no, don’t think you’re getting out of this that easily,” Connor giggled. “Lisa was the one that told me to get you out of here first of all, and second of all, no need to worry about girls, you and I are going to a gay club.”

 

“Really, how are you gonna manage to take me to one of those?  You’re not gay Connor.”

 

“I can lie easily enough,” Connor shrugged.  “This night is about getting you out there anyway, not me.”

 

“I’m still not going,” Jude asserted.  All that was going to happen was that Jude was going to turn away every guy that came up to him, Connor would get exasperated and probably yell at him, and honestly it just wouldn’t be any fun for either of them.

 

“Please Jude,” Connor whined, flashing his puppy dog eyes at Jude.  Jude scowled, cursing Connor for using that against him.

 

“Low blow Con, low blow,” Jude complained resignedly, sitting up and motioning for Connor to get up. “Fine, have it your way, I’ll go.”

 

“Okay, now we just need to get you dressed, because this,” Connor said, looking Jude up and down as he emerged from the blanket he was underneath, “is just not cute.”

 

“Would you shut up,” Jude quipped.  “I know this isn’t cute, okay?”

 

“Oh um, wear that blue button up,” Connor suggested.  “You look really cute in that.”

 

Jude shook his head; Connor had been making comments like that for years, but they were just enough to keep Jude’s heart holding onto that thread of hope that maybe Connor liked him the way he liked Connor.  He went into his room, tossing on black skinny jeans and the blue shirt, quickly tousling his hair into something presentable, going to step back out into the living room before stopping.  Connor was shouting, and Jude really didn’t want to get in the middle of whatever it was he was arguing about.

 

 

Connor was ticked off at Lisa.  When he left the apartment she was all for this night out with Jude, but now, well, she wasn’t so into the idea.

 

“You’re taking him to a gay club?” she asked incredulously.

 

“Why do you sound so surprised, I mean Jude _is_ gay,” Connor explained.

 

“Yes but why do you have to go with him to a gay club?  Jude’s 24, he can go by himself.”

 

“He wouldn’t go if I didn’t go with him!”

 

“I don’t want you in a gay club,” Lisa said flatly.

 

“Why not, you think they’re going to turn me or something?” Connor joked, given that it was utterly ridiculous that anyone could—

 

“They might!”

 

“Oh my God that was a joke, that’s not actually the way sexuality works Lisa,” Connor groaned.

 

“That’s not the way it seems, what with all the time you spend with Jude.”

 

“He’s my best friend Lisa, and he has been for twelve years!  The time I spend with him has nothing to do with my sexuality.  Why would you even think that?  I’m straight, and the fact that he’s gay and I spend time with him doesn’t change that! I just don’t get why you dislike him so much!”

 

“Because I feel like he’s more important to you than I am!”

 

Connor winced; she was right.  Jude was definitely more important to him, and he probably always would be. Connor was never sure what his feelings were for Jude; he never really looked at him the way he looked at girls and yet, he still always had this strange feeling in his stomach when he was around Jude.  Make no mistake: he was almost definitely straight, and he liked Lisa a lot, but he never got the same feeling with her that he had around Jude.  He never had that with anybody else.  But now was not the time to go around with Lisa on this.  Jude would be walking back out any second and he was _not_ having this argument with Jude listening in.

 

“I can’t do this right now, we’ll talk about it later,” Connor mumbled, hanging up the call as Jude walked back out into the living room.

 

Jude had heard the argument winding down, so he decided it was safe to reappear. Connor had a confused, deep-thinking look on his face when Jude stepped into the living room, but that was quickly erased by a smile.

 

“Let’s get this over with,” Jude muttered, following Connor out the door.

 

 

Connor sat down in the booth that Jude had found at the club they were in, clutching rather large drinks that Jude didn’t recognize.

 

“What’s in those?” Jude asked.

 

“I dunno,” Connor shrugged.  “I just asked the bartender to give me something with a lot of liquor in it.”

 

“I don’t want to get wasted Connor,” Jude insisted.  Jude _hated_ hangovers, and he did not want to end up with one tomorrow.

 

“You really need to let loose Jude,” Connor goaded.  “Just have a couple drinks and see what happens!”  Jude stared at the drink sitting on the table in front of him, debating whether he should.  One night wouldn’t hurt, right?  It's not like he did this all the time, he could handle just one evening of drinking.

 

“Fuck it,” Jude muttered, taking the drink and knocking it back in a couple gulps. Connor giggled, taking a small sip.

 

“Jude, the guy said that’s like the equivalent of like, nine or ten shots, I can’t believe you just downed the whole thing!”

 

“You want to me to let loose?  Well I’m letting loose,” Jude responded.

 

They sat at the table for about half an hour, Connor slowly sipping his drink as Jude just got more drunk, giggling and telling jokes that only made sense to his drunk mind, when there was an announcement made over the booming music in the club.

 

_Welcome to karaoke night everyone!  The mic is now open for anyone who would like to sing._

 

“Aww, Jude man, you should sing something!” Connor exhorted.

 

Now normally Jude would’ve said no.  But normally, Jude also wouldn’t have had the equivalent of 9-10 shots of alcohol _._

 

“Why not?” Jude slurred, standing up and stumbling over to the mic, yanking it from the stand and looking over at the screen for something to sing. There was one song in particular that popped out to him.  _You Belong With Me_ by Taylor Swift.  It was literally the story of his relationship with Connor. Had he been anymore sober, Jude wouldn’t have touched the song in a million years, but he wasn’t more sober, so he stabbed at the display, selecting the song and listening as the twang of the guitar floated out through the speakers.

 

_You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset_

_She’s going off about something that you said_

_‘Cause she doesn’t get your humor like I do_

_I’m in my room, it’s a typical Tuesday night_

_I’m listening to the kind of music she doesn’t like_

_And she’ll never know your story like I do_

 

As Jude sung the words (badly it should be known), he looked over a Connor, staring him down as they locked eyes, Jude trying to communicate to Connor that he meant every word he was singing.

 

_She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts_

_She’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers_

_Dreaming ‘bout the day_

_When you’ll wake up and find that what you’re looking for_

_Has been here the whole time_

_If you can see that I’m the one who understands you_

_Been here all along so why can’t you see_

_You belong with me, you belong with me_

 

As Jude finished the chorus, Connor had stopped looking at him.  Instead he was intently studying the empty glasses in front of him, nervously playing with the straws left in them.  But Jude kept singing.

 

_Walk through the streets with you in your worn-out jeans_

_I can’t help thinking this is how it ‘ought to be_

_Laughing on a park bench_

_Thinking to myself_

_Hey isn’t this easy_

_And you’ve got a smile that can light up this whole town_

_I haven’t seen it in a while since she brought you down_

_You say you’re fine I know you better than that_

_Hey what ya doin’ with a girl like that_

_She wears high heels, I wear sneakers_

_She’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers_

_Dreaming ‘bout the day_

_When you wake up and find that what you’re looking for_

_Has been here the whole time_

 

Connor couldn’t believe what he was hearing, what he was seeing (since he had dared to look back at Jude).  It was one thing for Jude to be singing this song, but another thing entirely for him to sing it with his eyes on him the whole time.  It didn't take much thinking for him to realize that Jude was singing about them. And Connor found himself frozen by fear; the lyrics made too much sense.

 

_If you can see that I’m the one who understands you_

_Been here all along so why can’t you see_

_You belong with me_

_Standing by you, waiting at your back door_

_All this time, how could you not know baby_

_You belong with me, you belong with me_

 

Jude’s eyes narrowed as he sang the words “all this time how could you not know” and something clicked for Connor.  All this time and Connor didn’t know just how Jude felt.  Now it was obvious, but before, he didn’t know how _he_ felt, how was he supposed to know what Jude was feeling?

 

_Oh, I remember you drivin’ to my house in the middle of the night_

_I’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re ‘bout to cry_

_I know your favorite songs and you tell me ‘bout your dreams_

_Think I know where you belong_

_Think I know it’s with me_

_Can’t you see that I’m the one who understands you_

_Been here all along so why can’t you see_

_You belong with me_

_Standing by you, waiting at your back door_

_All this time how could you not know baby_

_You belong with me, you belong me_

Jude closed his eyes and he sang the last few words, steeling himself for what was going to happen when he walked off the stage to rejoin Connor.

_You belong with me_

_Have you ever thought just maybe_

_You belong with me_

_You belong with me_

 

The music ended, and the club applauded politely.  Jude opened his eyes, finding the booth that Connor had been seated in was now empty.


	2. Part 2

Connor had never intended to run, he really didn’t, but he panicked.  So much hit him all at once and he couldn’t handle it; he couldn’t handle facing Jude.  How are you supposed to deal with your best friend professing his love for you when all you are is confused?  Twelve years, and Connor still didn’t know what he felt for Jude.  He was attracted to girls.  Period.  Except then there was Jude, with his piercing brown eyes and his messy brown hair and his radiant smile.  Connor found himself staring far too many times for what he felt for Jude to be purely platonic.  _But he was attracted to girls!_   None of this made sense; it never had.

 

Connor had to figure out his next step, but to do that he had to find somewhere to stay for the night.  He couldn’t go back to his apartment; Lisa would be there waiting for him, ready to pounce on him when he walked in the door; they had an argument to finish.  Normally he would go to Jude’s in that case, but quite obviously, that was out of the question.  So Connor hailed a taxi, taking off for the house of the only other person he knew in LA.  Maybe she could help him sort this out.

 

 

Jude was stunned.  He had no idea how Connor was going to take what he just did, but in all honesty the last thing he expected was for Connor to run off.  Jude staggered off the stage, heading towards the door, hoping that he could maybe catch Connor before he went too far.

 

Jude burst out of the door of the club, wildly glancing around, looking for that distinctive mop of blond hair to stick out above the crowd, but he didn’t see it…well him.  Jude sighed, running a hand through his hair as he walked to the curb to get a ride back to his apartment.  Maybe it was just the alcohol talking, but Jude had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that he probably wasn’t going to see Connor again anytime soon—maybe even ever.

 

Jude arrived to his apartment to find someone waiting outside for him.  Jude didn’t really recognize the face even though he should have (but he was _really_ drunk).

 

“Who did he leave with?” the girl screamed, shoving Jude up against the wall.  Oh, so that’s who it was.  Connor’s girlfriend.

 

“W-what do you mean ‘who did he leave with’?,” Jude garbled, trying to focus on the angry face inches from his.

 

“He just texted me that he wasn’t coming home tonight!  So I’m going to ask you again: who did he leave with?” she yelled.

 

“I s-swear he didn’t leave with anyone.  He just left,” Jude slurred, at this point feeling quite fearful of this girl and what she might do to him.

 

“You better be telling me the truth, for your own sake,” she growled before stomping away down the stairs.

 

Jude stood stunned for a moment, entirely unsure what the exchange he just had meant.  Why was she so worried that Connor might have left with someone?  First of all, Connor wasn’t the cheating type and second of all they were at a gay club.  Who the hell was Connor going to leave with?  He wasn’t gay…unless Lisa knew something more about Connor than she let on.  But that didn’t make any sense; if Connor wasn’t straight the first person he would’ve told was Jude.  Well maybe he would’ve told him first; Jude wasn’t sure that he knew anymore.  He didn’t think Connor would run and yet he did; perhaps Connor just wasn’t telling him things now because he had a serious girlfriend to confide in.  He didn’t need his best friend for that anymore.

 

Jude fumbled with his keys, trying to quickly unlock the door, stumbling inside and leaping onto the couch.

 

 

“I’m so confused,” Connor whimpered as he sat at the kitchen table.

 

“Maybe I can help you, but why don’t you start by telling me what happened, that might help me tremendously,” Connor’s mom, Mary, suggested, rubbing soothing circles into his back as he shook gently, tears falling from his eyes.

 

“I-I don’t really know mom.  Well I know what happened b-but I don’t know what it means,” Connor admitted.  “We were at a club because I dragged Jude out of his apartment and he got smashed and—well they were doing this karaoke thing and so he went up and sang this song and the whole time he wouldn’t take his eyes off me and I think he was singing about him and about us.”

 

“Hold up, what song did he sing?” Mary asked.

 

“Y-You Belong With Me,” Connor stuttered.

 

“Well son, I don’t know that song, but I think I can guess based off the title,” Mary sighed.  “So your best friend likes you, is that what the problem is here?”  Connor shook his head, and Mary was taken aback.  What did that mean?

 

“He doesn’t like me, he—he loves me,” Connor whispered, panic starting to contort his features.

 

“Well, I suppose that—”

 

“I-I’m not finished.  I,” Connor hesitated, biting his lip, swallowing hard before forcing the words out, “I think I love him too.”

 

“Okay,” Mary replied simply.  “I guess then I don’t see where the problem is.”

 

“I-I can’t be in love with him,” Connor protested weakly.

 

“Says who?”

 

“I don’t know.  My girlfriend?  The laws of sexuality?  Everyone?” Connor reasoned to her.

 

“Don’t be ridiculous Connor, if you’re in love with him then there’s no person, no law that says you can’t be,” Mary countered.

 

“But mom, I’m straight!  How does a straight guy _just_ fall in love with another boy?”

 

“Because it does I suppose.  Sexuality isn’t just black and white, one extreme or the other dear.  It’s more of a spectrum and labels really don’t matter; but that’s sort of beside the point here.  If you’re in love, why does the ‘how’ matter?” Mary inquired.  She wasn’t really following where her son was going with this.  “If you’re in love, what else matters, really?”

 

“Because none of this makes sense!” Connor shouted.  Maybe his mom was right, but he felt as if he needed to know the why, the how.  Mary just chuckled.

 

“That’s one of the things I’ve learned about love in my many years on this earth Connor.  It almost never makes sense, and trying to understand it is only going to make you more confused.”

 

 

Jude was on the phone with his other best friend, Taylor, still drunk and definitely regretting his decision.

 

“Wh-what if he d-doesn’t want t-to be my f-f-friend anymore?” Jude blubbered.  Even just the thought of losing Connor because of his own drunk indiscretion completely devastated him.

 

“Jude, please calm down,” Taylor implored.  “So he knows you love him.  Big whoop.  You aren’t the first gay guy to fall in love with their straight best friend.  Do you really think Connor is that shallow to stop talking to you because of this?”

 

“M-Maybe,” Jude whined.

 

“Oh my god Jude, he’s been your best friend for twelve years, please get a grip on reality!” Taylor exclaimed.  “The last thing Connor is going to do is abandon you because of this!”

 

“Whatever,” Jude mumbled, cutting her off by hanging up the phone.  He didn’t believe one word Taylor said.  Taylor was obviously lying to him, and Jude wasn’t in the mood to hear it; he had messed everything up and made it weird by confessing his love.  He was hopelessly in love and he just looked pathetic; why would Connor want someone as pathetic as him for a friend?  And Lisa wouldn’t be happy once she found out.  Connor was bound to tell her, and then, even if Connor still wanted to be friends, she would never let him.  No matter how he looked at it, Jude was sure his relationship with Connor was over.  That simply broke Jude’s heart, and he started to sob into the pillow lying on his couch.

 

“Stupid drunk Jude,” he choked out.

 

 

“S-so what should I do?” Connor asked a little later.  So maybe his mom was right about his feelings.  There wasn’t any reason why he couldn’t be in love with Jude, but now what he was supposed to do with that information?

 

“You ask me like the answer isn’t obvious,” Mary laughed.  “You say you love him, and you say he loves you.  So then you two should just go for it.  I mean he’s your best friend.  Don’t they always say that the best relationships are the ones where you fall in love with your best friend?”

 

“Yeah,” Connor said slowly, “yeah I guess you’re right.”

 

“Well then, just follow your heart.  You’ll figure out what to do,” Mary replied, giving Connor a pat on the back before lifting him to his feet.  “Now you need to get some sleep.  You’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.”

 

Connor woke up the next morning, feeling grateful that he didn’t drink that much the night before.  He didn’t have a hangover, thank God, because today probably would’ve been impossible with one.  He walked into the bathroom, quickly examining himself, fixing his hair as best he could before heading out.  There was no telling what might transpire today, and perhaps he wasn’t ready for what was going to happen, but he had to find out.

 

 

Jude woke up to a pounding in his head and on his door.  _This_ was why he didn’t drink.  Jude begrudgingly rose from the couch, padding over to the door and opening it mid-knock.

 

“What do you—oh.  Hey,” Jude said awkwardly, staring at the figure standing across from him.

 

“Jude, can we talk please?” Connor asked.  Jude rubbed his eyes, cradling his head gently in his hands.  He was not in a good place to deal with this right now.

 

“I’m really um, busy right now Connor, I can’t,” Jude lied rapidly, grabbing the doorknob and quickly shutting the door in Connor’s face.  Connor was going to reject him now, Jude could feel it, and he was just not in the right frame of mind to deal with that.  He leaned up against the door, trying to take even breaths to calm himself down.  He jumped when Connor started rapping his fist on the door again.

 

“Fine,” Jude huffed to himself.  Connor knew that he was hungover; he wasn’t just going to stop knocking just because Jude didn’t answer.  He would keep it up until Jude couldn’t stand it anymore and would open the door.  “I guess if we have to do this now, might as well just get it over with.”  Jude turned, opening the door again, surprised when Connor grabbed his head and captured his lips in a kiss.  The air rushed out of Jude’s lungs, shockwaves rippling through his body as he realized: _Connor Stevens was kissing him!_

 

 

Jude had slammed the door in his face.  Connor really shouldn’t have been astonished by that.  The last twelve or so hours had to have been just as bewildering for Jude as they had been for him; but that was exactly why Jude had to hear him out.  But he didn’t know how to get him to listen.  _Maybe I could…actually yeah that’s perfect!_ Connor thought.  So he raised his hand, pounding on the door, using Jude’s hangover against him.  Jude swung the door open, and Connor just went for it.

 

He gently cupped Jude’s head with his hands, pulling him close as he smashed their lips together.  And the sparks flew.  Maybe Connor didn’t know what he was, but this; this was exactly right.  Their lips fit together precisely, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.  Everything else in the world faded away.  All that mattered and all that remained was the boy that had always been there.  The boy that, if Connor was honest, he had always loved.

 

“W-woah,” Connor breathed out when they finally pulled away, gasping for air.  Never had he imagined kissing a boy to feel so good.  But then again, never had he imagined that the boy he would be kissing would be Jude.

 

“I-I d-don’t understand,” Jude stuttered.

 

“Yeah, I don’t understand,” a female voice snarled quietly.

 

“ _Shit_ ,” Connor muttered, turning to face the voice.  “Lisa, please just give me a chance to explain.”

 

“Give you a chance to explain what?” Lisa shrieked.  “I just watched you kiss the guy you told me I had no reason to worry about!”

 

“Can we not do this here in front of Jude?” Connor pleaded softly.

 

“No, you can do this here.  I need to hear what you have to say for yourself,” Jude said, glaring at him.  How could he do that to her; just kiss him without breaking up with her first?  That honestly was cheating; there was no other way of looking at it.

 

“You assured me you were straight!” Lisa exclaimed, stalking over and standing so that she was inches from Connor’s face.

 

“W-well I am,” Connor stuttered.  Jude felt his heart plummet right through the floor at those words, his eyes beginning to sting as the tears threatened to leak out.  It didn’t matter what Connor just did; apparently it meant nothing to him.  Jude shoved the door to his apartment closed before Connor could say another word, ignoring his pleas for him to listen, running to his bedroom and collapsing on the floor, shuddering violently as the tears ran from his eyes.

 

 

“Jude!” Connor screamed from the other side of the door, slamming his palm on the hard, cold wood.  “Jude,” he yelled again, his voice starting to shake as he slid to the ground, his face pressed up against the door.

 

“So he’s gone, like I care.  We are still not done talking,” Lisa spat.  “Just tell me why the fuck you kissed him if you’re straight.”

 

“I—I kissed him because I love him!” Connor cried.

 

“Well I suppose I get that you love him, he’s your best friend but I don’t see how—”

 

“No Lisa, you don’t understand!  I don’t love him as just my best friend,” Connor sobbed.

 

“But you said you were straight.  I don’t get it.”

 

“I don’t get it either!  But I really, truly love him like no one else!” Connor explained.

 

“I-I thought you loved me,” Lisa whimpered.

 

“I d-do, just not like—not the way I love Jude.”

 

“So this is the end?” Lisa questioned.

 

“Yeah,” Connor said softly, biting his lip.  “I think it is.”

 

Lisa kneeled down, grabbing Connor by the shoulders and kissing him messily.  And Connor felt absolutely nothing; at least nothing compared to what he felt when Jude kissed him.  He stared into her eyes sadly.

 

“Really?  Nothing?” she inquired, her voice unsteady.

 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, shaking his head slowly.  Lisa slapped him, _hard_ , before turning and running away, leaving Connor outside Jude’s apartment all alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really not sorry about all the angst here tbh. And I want to make it clear since I didn't say this anywhere in the text, but Connor, in this AU, is heteroflexible (which basically means he's straight but shit happens; and that shit just happens to be Jude). I know that doesn't fit canon but this is an AU, so I can change stuff like that if I want to. I think it makes for a better story here anyway. Hope you enjoyed part 2! I'm going to right to work on part 3 so there's always a chance it might be ready to go this evening (though after my repeated guarantees that part 2 would be ready last night I make no promises).


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Voila! So here's part 3, the finale of this fic! I know I probably could've written this whole thing at once and then posted it in it's entirety, but it was actually easier and also more dramatic to do it this way. Also I'm putting a sap alert for the end of this, I just couldn't resist. Enjoy y'all! :)

Connor didn’t want to move from his spot outside Jude’s apartment.  If he stayed there, Jude would eventually have to leave and then he would have his chance to talk to Jude.  He sat up against the door, sending Jude text after text, calling over and over again and leaving seemingly hundreds of voicemails.

 

“Jude,” one of them began.  “I know how what I said sounded, but please you have to listen to me.  Even though I’m straight, that doesn’t matter, because I really, really love you Jude.  I don’t know how or why it happened, and I know I sound crazy but you have to believe me!  I really do love you!  Please just talk to me.”

 

But Jude never called back; he didn’t respond to any of his texts.  And now it was 9:00 PM and Jude still hadn’t left his apartment the whole day.  Connor couldn’t stay sitting outside all night (he was pretty sure the building manager was watching him, getting ready to kick him out), so he reluctantly stood up and trudged out of Jude’s apartment building, wandering around the neighborhood aimlessly.

 

 

At some point during the day, Jude had finally come out of his bedroom and walked up to his front door.  He looked out the peephole, trying to see if Connor was still there, but he couldn’t see anything.  He gently pressed his ear up to the door, the sounds of heavy breathing and choked sobs filtering through the thin material of the door.  Jude almost felt angry; what right did Connor have to be upset after what he just did to him?  Connor couldn’t just toy with his emotions like that and expect him to be okay with it.

 

Jude’s phone started buzzing in his pocket.  He took it out, taking one look at the caller ID and ignoring the call.  He then turned his phone off, tossing it to the side.  He wasn’t talking to Connor.  Jude padded back to his bedroom, flopping down on his bed and closing his eyes, trying to will himself to sleep.  He needed to get his mind as far away from this waking nightmare as possible.

 

But even in his dreams there wasn’t any escape.  He was assaulted by the visage of Connor, reaching out for him, kissing him softly, only to turn away and say those soul-crushing, heart-shattering words again.  It would all fade to black and then the scene would replay, and even in his dreams, each heartbreak felt fresh, just as real as the first time.  Jude woke up, his face buried into his tear-soaked pillow, screaming in anguish.  Why did Connor have to hurt him like this?

 

 

Connor never made it back to his mom’s house, instead meandering around the streets of Los Angeles erratically all night.  But somehow, by morning’s first light, he found himself outside his apartment building, watching unseen as Lisa tossed her things into her car and drove away.  As her car disappeared out of sight, it hit Connor that she was really gone.  Connor wasn’t lying when he said he really liked her, maybe even sort of loved her.  But now he had come to the realization that no one could ever compare to Jude.  He couldn’t give Lisa what she wanted, so even though he felt a twinge of sadness that she was gone, he couldn’t help but feel relieved too.

 

But things weren’t okay with Jude.  Jude wasn’t talking to him.  He could only imagine how Jude must have felt, hearing those words.  He just wished that Jude would’ve stayed, would’ve listened for a little while longer.  Jude probably thought that the kiss meant nothing to Connor; but that couldn’t have been farther from the truth.  It meant everything to him; it helped him see clearly what he felt, what he wanted.  _Jude_.  Jude was the only person that mattered to him, now and forever.  If only he would listen!

 

Connor let out a heavy sigh, lumbering into the building and entering into his now nearly empty apartment.  His phone dinged and he scrambled to pull it out of his pocket, fumbling with it in between his fingers as he tried to focus on the words lighting up the screen.  His face fell when he realized it wasn’t from Jude, but rather his mom.

 

_How did it go?_

 

Connor slid his thumb across the display, unlocking the phone and tapping out a reply.

 

_Terrible.  Don’t want to talk about it._

 

Maybe she would leave him alone, but Connor didn’t think so.  He was right because seconds later his phone started ringing.  He almost cried; the ringtone was something stupid, but it was something stupid that Jude had picked out and he loved it.  It always made him think of Jude, except now Jude was the last person he wanted to be thinking about.  He quickly answered the call, silencing the ringtone and taking a few seconds to collect himself before saying anything.

 

“Hi mom,” he spoke, keeping his tone flat and devoid of emotion.

 

“Tell me what happened honey,” she said sympathetically.

 

“There’s not much to tell honestly.  I fucked up and now he won’t talk to me,” Connor explained.

 

“You couldn’t have screwed up that badly,” Mary mused.

 

“He heard me say that I was straight and then he slammed the door before I could say anything else,” Connor sighed.  “I think that qualifies as ‘messed up monumentally’.”

 

“Maybe.  But that doesn’t mean that it’s unfixable,” Mary countered.

 

“Well I don’t see the point in trying to fix things now,” Connor replied.  “I’m pretty sure he hates me.”

 

“Oh honey I don’t think he hates you, he’s just upset with you right now, he’ll come around.  Just give him some time.  So where are you now?”

 

“My apartment,” Connor stated.

 

“With Lisa?”

 

“No, she’s gone.  We broke up; she uh,” Connor hesitated, “she caught me kissing Jude outside his apartment.  That’s why I’m in this whole mess to begin with.

 

“You’re in this mess because you kissed Jude?”

 

“No, because she saw!  I wanted to get things figured out with Jude first and then I was going to come over here and break up with her but—I don’t know, I never saw her and then she wanted me to explain myself right there, and Jude wanted to hear too and…well that’s when it all went to hell.”

 

“Well at least you have one less thing to worry about with Lisa already out of the picture,” Mary conceded.

 

“I don’t have anything to worry about because Jude is gone,” Connor murmured.

 

“So you’re telling me that you’re just going to give up?” Mary asked.

 

“Well,” Connor paused, taking in the tone his mother was taking with him.  He’d heard it before; she was daring him to defy her.  “Um, no, I guess not?”

 

“Good.  Because you shouldn’t ever give up on love.”

 

“I need to go mom,” Connor said abruptly.  “I need some sleep since I didn’t get any last night.  Hopefully after that I can sort all this out.  Bye.”

 

“Alright Connor, good luck!”

 

 

Jude had finally reached a point where he had to turn his phone back on, even though he really didn’t want to.  He didn’t want to read the flood of text messages he had from Connor, he didn’t even want to see the icon indicating he had missed calls and voicemails from him.  But given that his apartment didn’t have a landline, he couldn’t be without his phone for very long or people (namely his family) would start to worry.  So he squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the power button, keeping his eyes closed as the phone sprang to life, violently vibrating in his hands as all the notifications from Connor flooded in.

 

Once his phone had calmed down, Jude unlocked it, carefully opening one of his eyes to make sure that he didn’t have anything from Connor up on his screen.  Now sure that it was safe, Jude quickly opened his messages and swiped left on Connor’s messages, deleting the conversation.  Then he went to voicemails and set to doing the same, trying to delete them all.  But as he came to the last voicemail, he hesitated.  Did it really hurt that much that he wouldn’t even give Connor a chance to explain?  Would deleting this last message really mean that he was going to let go of Connor?

 

The answer in both cases was no.  Sure it hurt, but when had Connor ever hurt him on purpose?  He had to have a reasonable explanation for what he said.  And there was no way Jude would ever let go of Connor.  No matter what happened, the boy he had loved for twelve years and still loved even right at this very moment in spite of everything would always be with him, be a part of him and maybe even haunt him.  So Jude pressed the message, jerkily bringing the phone up to his ear.

 

_Jude, I know how what I said sounded, but please you have to listen to me.  Even though I’m straight, that doesn’t matter, because I really, really love you Jude.  I don’t know how or why it happened, and I know I sound crazy but you have to believe me!  I really do love you!  Please just talk to me._

 

Jude couldn’t process what he had just heard.  Connor was right, he did sound crazy.  He was straight, but he loved him?  Jude couldn’t think of anyway this made sense.  He probably meant that he just loved him platonically, right?  Jude listened to the message again, trying to figure it out.

 

_I really, really love you Jude._

 

_I really do love you!_

 

Those eleven words stood out from all the others in the message.  He said “I love you” twice.  “Really” three times.  Jude pinched himself and listened again.  The words didn’t change.  He didn’t wake up.  There was no denying this was real life; it wasn’t a dream.  Jude immediately slapped himself for deleting all the other messages and voicemails.  Well now he was convinced that he at least had to hear Connor out.  “I love you” was not a phrase that Jude could so easily ignore.  So Jude sprinted out of his apartment, PJ’s and all, to find Connor.

 

 

Connor had already left his apartment, headed for Jude’s apartment to force Jude to talk to him, so when Jude arrived at Connor’s, there was no one to answer the door.  Jude stood for a moment, pondering his options.  As far as he knew, Connor was there and he just wasn’t answering the door.  He could be asleep, or he could just be ignoring him (though Jude highly doubted the latter).  Jude carefully gripped the handle, turning it and swinging the door open.  Jude smirked; Connor had always been terrible about locking the apartment door when they were living together.  Thank God that hadn’t changed when he moved in with Lisa.

 

“Connor?” Jude said, cautiously tiptoeing into the apartment.  No answer.  “Connor?” he called out again.  Still nothing.  Jude wandered into Connor’s bedroom, looking to see if he was still asleep there.  But he wasn’t; all Jude found was an empty bed with nothing but a large black book sitting in the middle.  Jude walked over and picked it up, opening the front cover and gasping.  _How did Connor still have this?_

It was a scrapbook Jude had made with help from his sister Mariana when he and Connor had started high school.  He flipped through it, looking at all the pictures of them, taking a journey back through their middle school days: them at the beach, playing video games on the floor of Jude’s room, at the LGBT prom that Connor had gone with him to.  24 year-old Jude sat there staring at little 7th and 8th grade Jude, seeing the love and adoration in his eyes, even then, as he looked at Connor.  As he looked through, Jude was startled by a voice suddenly floating across the room to him.

 

 

Connor got no response when he went to Jude’s apartment.  He figured as much.  Well if Jude wasn’t going to talk to him today, maybe he would tomorrow.  Connor shrugged it off, trying not to feel too disappointed that Jude wouldn’t answer the door.  He made his way back to his apartment, stepping inside just in time to hear a gasp coming from his bedroom.  Connor quickly but quietly made his way there, peaking in the doorway to see Jude standing there, gaping at the scrapbook that Connor had dug out.

 

Before he went to see Jude, Connor had listened to the song again and thought about the lyrics.

 

_All this time how could you not know baby_

 

All this time.  Those words echoed in his head.  _All this time_.  Connor had looked around, trying to find any old photos of them, looking to see what he had missed all these many years.  All he could find was an old middle school scrapbook that Jude had made for him.  But as he opened it, looking at the pictures inside, he was caught.  And he wasn’t caught by the looks that Jude was giving him, but rather the looks he was giving Jude.  There were the goofy grins he always seemed to be wearing, the way his eyes were always wider and brighter around Jude, and the way he was obviously looking at Jude like he was the earth, sun, moon and stars.  And the lyrics bounced around his head again.  And he didn’t know how he was so blind, how he was so confused.  _You don’t look at someone like that without being head over heels in love_ he thought.  He still didn’t know why he fell for Jude, or how he fell, but he did.  And looking at those pictures, and seeing how long he had been in love, Connor let go.  He let go of his label, of his hesitation, of everything that stood between him and the boy he loved with all his heart.

 

Watching Jude gaze at the pictures now, Connor could only think of one thing to do.

 

“Standing by me, waiting at my back door, all this time how could I not know baby, you belong with me,” Connor sang softly, modifying the lyrics just slightly.

 

“C-Connor,” Jude stuttered.

 

“Come on, sing it with me,” Connor urged, gently taking the book from Jude’s hands and setting it down, taking Jude’s hands into his when he finished.

 

_If you can see that I’m the one who understands you_

_Been here all along so why can’t you see_

_You belong with me_

_Standing by you waiting at your back door_

_All this time how could you not know baby_

_You belong with me, you belong with me_

“You’re right,” Connor whispered.  “You’ve always been right; I do belong with you.”

 

“But Connor you said—”

 

“I know what I said but that label doesn’t matter.  No one else matters to me.  Just you.  I love you Jude.”

 

“I love you too Connor,” Jude replied.  Connor let out a short giggle, a grin spreading across his face before he leaned over and pressed his lips onto Jude’s.

 

_Have you ever thought just maybe_

_You belong with me_

 

Connor had thought about it, and it wasn’t a maybe.  He definitely belonged with Jude.


End file.
